Joseph Stalin

Joseph Vissarionovich Stalin (18 December 1878 – 5 March 1953) was a Soviet politician and head of state who served as the first General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union's Central Committee from 1922 until his death in 1953. After the death of Vladimir Lenin in 1924, Stalin rose to become the leader of the Soviet Union, which he ruled as a dictator. He appeared in many parodies so far, and is one of the famous Soviet characters to appear after Eduard Khil.

In the Downfall Parody Universe
Stalin is mentioned once in Downfall: during the Original Bunker Scene, Hitler screams: "Ich hätte gut daran getan, vor Jahren alle höheren Offizieren liquiedieren zulassen, wie Stalin!" (I would have done a good deed if years ago, I would have eliminated all senior officers, like Stalin!) In the Downfall parody universe, Stalin often appears with him making a speech, and it of course - involved Hitler and Fegelein. In later parodies, Stalin has his own crew as Hitler does. He seems to have several answers to Hitler's crew, such as Nikolai Yezhov, his vicious diminutive secret police chief to inform him (albeit much shorter than Günsche), Mikhail Tukhachevsky, a Marshal in the Red Army and his answer to Fegelein, Marshal Budyonny, his answer to Grawitz, etc. These Stalin Parodies featuring Stalin's crew are the brainchild of Unterganger Benad361.

His Hitler Parody counterpart is Adolf Hitler. Stalin tends to rant (in the Stalin Parodies) when he is displeased about something or if it goes wrong, but he tends to rant towards one specific person (such as Tukhachevsky, whom he somewhat personally dislikes) rather that to everyone as a whole (unlike Hitler who normally rants to or at a group of people).

He tends to speak slowly and carefully and ranting seems to be used as his last resort, or to emphasise a point he feels strongly about. Generally, while HItler is brimming with emotion and fuming with anger, Stalin is bitingly sardonic. When things are going his way Stalin is "affably evil", but even in the face of bad news he retains a sarcastic gallows humor. The exemplary case is when in October 1941, Army Commisar Stepanov called Stalin from the frontline, to tell him the Red Army was being overwhelmed by the Nazis and that he recommended retreating what men they could to the east of Moscow, abandoning the city. After a long silence, Stalin calmly said, "Ask the comrades if they have any spades". Sepanov asked the military commanders around him, and he replied to Stailn, "Yes, we do have spades. What should we do with them?". Stalin then matter-of-factly responded, "Tell your comrades that they should take their spades and DIG THEIR OWN GRAVES. We will not leave Moscow." Stalin then hung up, and stayed in Moscow as well.

Recently, he took part in the failed antic conference held by Tukhachevsky (jn an attempt to foster some parody unity due to the growing threat of war with the newly emerged Antonescu Parodies). When Fegelein attacks and a window in the Antic Jet they are travelling on is smashed open, he is one of the dictators to be sucked out into the atmosphere by the collapse of the air pressure (however he does manage to hold on for much longer than several others did). If he survived (which is likely, given his tenacity) then Tukhachevsky can probably expect severe punishment for what Stalin will percieve as his failure.

Trivia

 * One of Stalin's most known quotes, "The death of a man is a tragedy, the death of a millions, statistics" is said to be told by Stalin to Churchill during the Teheran meeting, when they discussed opening a second front in France, and it is first mentioned in the book The Time of Stalin: Portrait of Tyranny, by Anton Antonov-Ovseyenko : "Churchill had been arguing that a premature opening of a second front in France would result in an unjustified loss of tens of thousands of Allied soldiers. Stalin responded that 'when one man dies it is a tragedy, when thousands die it's statistics'".
 * This quotation probably came from Französischer Witz by Kurt Tucholsky (1932): "Darauf sagt ein Diplomat vom Quai d’Orsay: Der Krieg? Ich kann das nicht so schrecklich finden! Der Tod eines Menschen: das ist eine Katastrophe. Hunderttausend Tote: das ist eine Statistik!" (At which a diplomat from France replies: 'The war? I can't find it too terrible! The death of one man: that is a catastrophe. One hundred thousand deaths: that is a statistic!')
 * But the quote has been tracked back to Erich Maria Remarque's The Black Obelisk
 * He organised bank robberies in Georgia before the revolution
 * Stalin was also the man behind the most wicked practical joke ever played. Being a very private man he gave the order that no person should enter his bed chambers on pain of death. Later, while in his chambers he decided to test whether his guards had listened to this instruction. Pretending to scream in pain he called for the guards stationed outside the door. Fearing that their leader was in trouble the guards burst into the room. Stalin had them executed for failing to follow his standing orders. This little prank soon backfired, however, when Stalin suffered a seizure while alone in his bedroom. The guards were too afraid to enter, finding him hours later laid in a puddle of stale urine. He died three days later.
 * His title, the "Leader of the Peoples", translates exactly as "Führer".